Time Does Not Fly For Children.

I love pickles! I have always loved pickles, but only kosher dills. Well, now that’s not true. I like Deli Style pickles, or are they considered kosher as well? I guess I should say instead that I dislike sweet pickles. I like all pickled cucumbers except for the sweet kind. I specify cucumbers because I know some bastard will remind me about all the other things one can pickle. To me, and everyone I know for that matter, a pickle is a pickled cucumber. People who would point out other kinds of “pickles” are the type who must say, “not ALL politicians lie” when a person is making a point. That type of petty, self-indulgent devils’ advocacy should be punished by 6 years in prison. I’d say 666 years in prison, but I’m better than that. Please view the photo below.

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I feel, if this photo has not been shopped, that these pickles are rather too green. Perhaps it is an indicator of my being brought up wrong, but pickles ought not be quite so verdant. Aside from the aesthetic divergence, I have some empirical issues with such pickles. A pickle this green is usually very crunchy, which, I’ll admit, is a desirable characteristic. But it is not desirable crunchiness when it can be correlated with lack of flavor. I believe pickles this green are so because they are under-pickled. I can start my own pickle company to make my fortune, and I shall call it the Wet Cucumber Co. That way, the consumer will not be in the dark about the product they have chosen.
It is my belief that a pickle should look about like the picture below, apart from size.

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Any serious visual departure from what this photograph illustrates will fling me into a pit of lamentation.

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